The Elegant Path to a Higher Google PageRank

* Rob a bank and leave a picture of you with your blog URL written on your forehead. You'll see, the gullible policemen will handle all your advertising for free.

* Go to the zoo and exchange links with caged animals; preferably, exotic ones (just don’t trust bunnies, they’ll probably screw you).

* For your site about necrophilia use a domain name like games-for-kids dot com. Some parents might be amused… ok… maybe just semi-amused… Important: if they’re coming for you with torches – RUN!

* Write all your posts in Eskimo language, it will look like an intelligent blog. Only you will know it’s actually just a list of their 23,719 words for ‘snow’.

* Use a flickering shiny shocking green GIF image as your background; this way your visitors will be forced to stay on your site for a few minutes - at least until their epileptic seizure is over.

* Write your URL all over your naked body; then take a shower, you pervert! And don’t forget to scrub!

* Add this site to your blogroll. It won't help you get a higher Google PageRank, but it might impress the chicks.

~~~
p.s. If someone dies from a broken heart, is it responsible to transplant his pump?

28 comments:

Mauro C. said...

eheh :)
Cool Post.... Cool Blog

Best regards from Portugal... and don't sell your sister my friend ;)

talen said...

Epileptics are good money..had one go into a seizure on my site after witnessing the shiny and they ended up clicking adsense 500000 times. I can now afford to put gas in my car!

Uri Kalish said...

@mauro c.
Thanks!

@talen
:-))) Made me laugh big time!

homar said...

hahaha... i'm sure all the SEO gurus out there would agree; informative in a funny way. :)

Tatiana said...

Hi Uri, I know I left a comment but it didn't make it on your comments page?
You were just tagged by me on my blog, so please go there for the details :)

GraceMags said...

wahahaha. this post really got me. great post as usual.

Mobile Notary said...

I like the URL writing all over my body! Great idea. Just think of all the folks running to their computers just to think what's up with me! Heck, I might even make it to the evening news spot!

Spirit said...

I got a great kick out of these. Absolutely wonderful, and the first one has a bit of truth to it. ;)

I know someone who got a hena tattoo and had their url in big bold letters right beneath the bikini line. What a shame it was the middle of winter.

EJB said...

Hi Uri, just found your site and love it already.

Uri Kalish said...

:)

The Uneasy Supplicant said...

Great post Uri. Nice to smile every now and then. Thanks alot!

B to the R to the Y to the A to the N said...

New comer here and I gotta say great job with explaining PR with humor. Believe me I'm laughing while I comment. Recprical links are dangerous because I've seen one link throw off rankings. Before you decide to link with someone make sure you are linking to a good place. I read another great article on Seomoz lately you might want to check out

http://www.seomoz.org/blog/how-pagerank-works-why-the-original-pr-formula-may-be-flawed

Bryan Siegel

Book Calendar said...

Sounds like you need some time with an SEO manager, when you are done he will hand you over to the CEO of page links, then you will get monetized by the CFO of affiliate sites, go down to accounting and have them fill out your forms for your new million dollar web business, then go to the mail room to send your new package to your customer, they paid paypal, now you are a consultant, build your new search optimization site for blogs. You made it. Great site.

Lynda Lehmann said...

Beautiful photo and I enjoyed your sense of humor!

David Rader II said...

Don't forget Google does remove sites from their listings for lesser crimes! lol

Sherril said...

LOL.

Will Conway said...

Haha, nice. I actually thought I was going to learn something there... and well, I did.

Uri Kalish said...

:)

Heather said...

haha. i'm gonna do all of that.

Chelle B. said...

LMAO I am linking you now, before I go rob a bank with my URL plastered on my forehead. Cuz ya know, it might be a few years before I get out of prison so I better link you now while I can.

Bwahahahaha

artsfish said...

chuckle chuckle chuckle, sob sob sob!

You forgot the suggestion that it is likely necessary to step through the looking glass and fall down the rabbit hole in order to find an active DMOZ editor who will actually, REALLY, finally add your site to the appropriate section in the ODP.

i.e. Is AOL(ODP) the Cheshire cat?

All you see is a smile

Stuck in my head said...

very funny.

Bannie said...

regards from Malaysia
nice blog,nice site and also dont forget regards to your lovely son....

Aniya said...

Sooooo funny I'm glad I stopped by, thanks for the laugh!!!

dzerom said...

nice post lol! i will do your advice hehe Lol...

daffyouknow said...

lol

Venny Renti said...

Nice idea :).. i Think I am gonna do it

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